*RIP Mom.. I will miss you... XO*

This is seriously the strangest, and most painful thing I've ever experienced... No word of a lie.. IMMEDIATELY AFTER I finished writing my first post about my Mother... I got that call...

On Monday morning, during the early hours of 1:15 AM.. My Mother, Barb Noble, passed away peacefully.. The Wake was today. First showing at 2-4, then later at 7-9pm, at Codd's Funeral Home in Riverview. It was a sad, but beautiful vigil we all had at 8:30pm.. and during the Wake, it just went to show, again, just how many people Mom had touched.. I love her and I miss her so much... But at the same time, I don't really know what or how to feel..

I went to see her at the hospital after I got the call at 2:07am from my Father telling me that she had passed. She was so still.... it was hard, but I know I needed to see her as a help for my own closer.. But since the first 30 min of me hearing about my Mom, and then finally seeing her... I have not cried once (Except for about 15 seconds today during the Vigil). I don't know why... it doesn't feel natural or healthy to me... I feel so numb, yet pained.. I WANT to cry, but it wont quite come out...? I don't get it... Seriously, it sucks..

I love my Mom so much and I will miss her forever. It's as if after I wrote my little note to her in my last message, she heard it, and let herself finally be free from all that Hell she was experiencing these last 7 years...

I love you so much, Mom!!! Please be happy and anew up there.... save a seat for me at your table; I will see you again someday soon... and when I do, we will have lots to talk about...

I love you, Mandy, my sister... You have been so strong through this! We are all SO proud of you!... Mom loved you dearly, and still does, and always will... don't ever forget that! Be strong, Sis.. And remember that we are all here for you<3 ...

Thank you.. I'm going to close this message now... I will always remember her....
*A quick thank you to my boyfriend and Father.. without you two men, I don't know what I'd be like right now...*

Good night Mom. Sweet Dreams.. XOXOXO<3

This is my First Blog!

Hi there! I have no idea what to say! Haha. Other than this is my first attempt at blogging at all... So, if anyone other than myself and me are reading this.. Please be patient ^_^;. I'm just going to write on here what my feelings are during that time when I sign on, and that'll be that. And, just as a WARNING to anyone who might be reading this that doesn't know me and my current situation; my entries may be kinda depressing right now, since what's happening in my life at the moment isn't something joyous.

My Mother has Cancer; A form called "IBC", Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It's not like the average Breast Cancer (although there are MANY forms..). It is a much more uncommon, and aggressive form of B. Cancer. It is very painful and life-sucking (for lack of a better term). Anyways, my Mother has this terrible disease, and has now for the past 6 years. She has been an amasing and strong woman who has faught against all the odds to stay and stand by her kids (myself and my elder sister). But right now, she is loosing the battle she has so harshly faught for so long...

She has been hospitalized now since the 1st of October/08, and is now on her final days... When ever I go to visit, being  on the Pellietive Care floor always makes me uneasy. I just know its that floor that people go to when they can't be left at home alone, and are waiting to die. She is dying... and even though this is the case, and she has been put on the 'drip' that has chemically put her into a coma since this past Monday (Dec 8/08)- She is still here, again, against the odds. This woman who is my Mother, even when in a coma, will not stop fighting the battle raging inside her. Luckily though, she can not feel any of the pain that I know she would be experiencing if not for all those wonderful drugs.

She can still hear though. She responds to my voice and my touch whenever I visit with her. But the cool thing here is, that even though she responds to me, she doesnt respond to anyone else.. Not her closest friends, not her sister, no one other than me.. It really makes me feel special in a way... knowing that, even at the end... I am STILL close to my Mother with our Mother/Daughter bond... Even though in our past, we were always very rocky... its just amasing to me that she is STILL letting me in... Letting me know that she can hear and feel me with her by twitching her eyelids, trying to blink even though her eyes are closed... It makes me feel amasing.. But at the same time, very sad..

I am just waiting for the day that I get that horrible phone call that will tell me she has passed.. But I know it will be for the better. She will be off to Heaven, and wont need to fight any more battles up there.. I am not a religious person, but she is... And I know she will be happy and peaceful up there with God and all his Angels. And, I also know, that she will always be up there watching over me and all my important moments in life, along with all the little ones. I also knwo she will be there watching over my sister, who is autistic, and who loves her very much.

We are all here for each other. Family, friends... Everyone. Mom has never been alone this whole journey.. even up until the end, there is ALWAYS someone with her. Whether it is family, friends, or Nurses. Someone is always there with, and for her. That makes me so happy.

It royally sucks that this is all happening, and I hate it with a passion. But I don't want her to siffer anymore.. I want her to finally be at peace and to be 'released'. I thank all of Mom's family and friends who have stood by her and watched over her, and all of us, through this hard time. I love you all, and you are all our Angels.

"Mom, I love you so much... I am going to miss you more than you could ever imagine... More than I think my heart is going to be able to bare. But, I know you need your rest... And you know that too.. So, please, stop fighting what is happening. Let yourself go and be freed from this Hell you've endured for so long.. I will always love you, and you will always be MY MOMMY no matter what! No one can ever wish to replace you.. Please go, and know that everything here will be alright. I will be alright, and so will Mandy.. Take care of yourself up there, Mom... And may God be with you... Don't worry, I'll be strong... but if I need to cry.. I'll cry on your lap while you watch down over me from above... It hurts thinking you're leaving.. But I know it's for the best. Again.. I love you, Mom. Please be happy, and at peace. I will always love you. I will miss you. Good night, God bless, and sweet dreams, My One and Only, Mom..."         *Prayers to: Barb Noble.*      Love, Christina N.

Anyways, thats it for now. I think thats enough, eh? (lol). Anyways, good night... its 2am here... Until next time!! xo